


Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race (REWRITE)

by Funqpop



Series: Total Drama re-writes [1]
Category: Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: Almost everyone is either a little gay or an ally, Also there will be an epilogue, Canon Rewrite, Carrie has ASD, Chet has ASD, Cody has ADHD, Cody has ASD, Cody has Anxiety, Cody is a SIMP, Cody is a transmale, Crimson is non-binary, Devin is a SIMP, Do I even need to say Cody and Noah are twinks?, Don is a TWINK, Dwayne Sr. has anxiety, Emma and Noah are friends and she support him and Cody, Ennui has ASD, Ennui is a Demiboy, F/F, F/M, Gen, Geoff and Brody have a bromance that turns into romance, Gwen and Cody are The Sibling Friends, Gwen has Depression, Gwen has anxiety, I literally just wanted Noah x Cody and Jacques x Ennui, Jacques gets misgendered a lot, Jacques has Depression, Jacques is a transmale, Jay and Mickey are both transboys, Jen has ASD, Jen is a transwoman, Josee is abusive towards Jacques, Kelly has ASD, Lorenzo has ASD, M/M, MacArthur is a transwoman, Mainly so everyone who says he isn't gay is happy, Me and a friend just made all these headcanons, Mickey and Jay have anxiety, Multi, Noah has OCD, Noah is a Tsundere, Not Beta Read, Owen is gender-fluid, Pete has ADHD, Polyamorous Relationships, Rock is a transman, Seriously just watch one clip of him the fuck, Spud has ASD, Stephanie is a transwoman, This follows canon but without the Larpers and replacing them with Gwen and Cody, Though he is gay, Tom is a transmale, Topher also has an un-named s/o in my re-write, Topher is the nephew of Don, Topher shows up in the last episode now because I said so, don't mind me, enjoy, this is some gay shit right here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funqpop/pseuds/Funqpop
Summary: I'm literally just re-writing the show and a friend of mine is gonna probably be helping out since we made the headcanons together and we both like the same main ships in this fanfic (Noah/Cody and Jacques/Ennui). Enjoy.
Relationships: Bridgette/Brody/Geoff (Total Drama), Bridgette/Geoff (Total Drama), Brody/Geoff (Total Drama), Brody/MacArthur (Total Drama), Carrie/Devin (Total Drama), Cody Anderson/Noah, Crimson/Kitty (Total Drama), Ellody/Mary (Total Drama), Gerry/Pete (Total Drama), Jacques/Ennui (Total Drama), Jennifer "Jen"/Gwen (Total Drama), Laurie/Miles (Total Drama), MacArthur/Sanders (Total Drama), Rock/Spud (Total Drama), Ryan/Stephanie (Total Drama)
Series: Total Drama re-writes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180913
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Episode 1 - None Down, Eighteen to Go Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/679885) by Tom McGillis and Jennifer Pertsch. 



"This is Toronto, the capital of North America. Birthplace of funk, where the albino Panther roams free. Beneath my manly size-13 brogues, 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host, Don, and this is... The Ridonculous Race!" Don says before the intro plays. In between the break he gets help to get down from the top of the building. When the camera comes back on, signaling the end of the intro, he is now in front of the station. "Welcome to The Ridonculous Race! Right now 18 teams from across the country are readying themselves to embark on a race to the death." Don says as he gets interrupted by someone through his earpiece. "Not to the death? Okay." Don confirms. "Let's meet the teams that aren't-" Don winks to the camera "-racing to the death." the camera cuts to a boy reading a book and a girl staring longingly at him at his side. "Carrie and Devin, best friends." Don introduces through his mic, as the camera cuts to them in the interview room. "I met Devin in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since! If anyone can win this race, it's us." Carrie says with a smile. "Yeah! I know Carrie so well, i-it's like we're..." Devin stops as he sees Carrie staring at him. "W-wh-what are you doing..?" Devin asks, his stutter coming through. "Hm..? Oh uh! Lint check! For the camera." She chuckles nervously. "Woo! Race!" She squeals, trying to get the mood back. The camera cuts away to two women. "Kelly and Taylor, mom and daughter." Don introduces them both, the camera once again cutting away to the interview room. "So A, I'm really hot, obviously, and B, I'm pretty much the best at everything I do. So unless my MOM messes things up, we're totally gonna win this race." Says the daughter. "Taylor and her friends love when I hang out with them, I'm known as the 'cool mom'." Kelly giggled, "We're so tight, people almost mistake us for sisters." Kelly says happily. "Wait, what?" Taylor seems to be confused about what her mother said.

Now the camera cuts to two people who look very alike. "Emma and Kitty, actual sisters." Don introduces them. "I'm studying International Law, so that's gonna give us a real edge. Which is good 'cause, we're here to win." Emma says. "And to see the world, meet hot guys, and have some fun-" Kitty cuts in, but gets interrupted by Emma. "-If there's time for that, which there won't be so let's focus on winning, Okay?" Emma says. Kitty, replying with a sigh. "Good." Kitty smiles. The camera goes over to two scary looking people. "Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale teens." Don chimes. Suddenly there is a thunderstrike near the teens. "Okay, that's just unnerving..." Don says. The camera then cuts to two people known in the reality TV show world. "Owen and Noah, seasoned reality TV participants," Don said, happy for the change. "Ya! Woo!" Owen chuckles, putting his hand up for Noah to high five him. "Don't leave me hangin'!" Owen smiles at Noah, Noah gives him the cold shoulder in response. The camera cuts to their interview. "Noah and I met in Total Drama, and we've both been on TOOONS of reality shows since then! Like meltdown kitchen, aaand scare tractor, aaand fashionista flipflop." Owen is listing off TV shows. "Don't know HOW you got into that one," Noah comments on the last one. Owen starts giggling "I'm just so siked to be reunited with my little buddy, come here!" Owen pulls Noah into a tight hug, which Noah gasps from as Owen does not know his own strength.

The camera goes to two boys, one has a helmet on. "Mickey and Jay, identical twins who are used to overcoming adversity," Don said before the two are crushed my bags. "We've been through a lot, but we're not cursed... Whatever's right before cursed, It's us." Mickey says. "Like when I was six, I fell into a burrowing owl's nest and one of the baby owls flew into my ears. To this day everything on this side is always 'hoo hoo hoo'." Jay says, pointing at one of his ears. "we're constantly fighting adversity and overcoming it-" Mickey starts, though he got interrupted by Jay. "-Sorry, we gotta switch sides you're just... 'hoo hoo hoo'." The camera goes to two new people. "The totally in love daters, Stephanie and Ryan," Don says, perhaps that is a hint for the future. "Stephanie and I met at the gym 2 months and 6 days ago and we've been going steady ever since!" Ryan grins. "We're SO excited! Neither of us has ever traveled before, there's so much to discover! Like, what to chocolate protein bars taste like in China?" Stephanie brings up her thought. "I was JUST wondering that!" Ryan grins. "No. Way." Stephanie says, and they start making out. The camera cuts to two people jumping out of a train doorway. "Josee and Jacques, ice dancers," Don says. "We know how to win, we've won gold everywhere!" Jacques smiles, having a much thicker accent then Josee. "Except for the Olympics, she dropped me so we only got Silver." Josee comments. "I don't want to talk about it!" Jacques gets upset and runs off. "JACQUES! Silver is her least favorite color." Josee comments. Secretly Jacques was telling Don to put the right pronouns, which Don was happy to set up for him. The camera then goes back to the station and shows two surfers. "Jeff and Brody, Lifelong friends and surfer dudes," Don says, believing the last part to be obvious. Geoff chuckles. "Going around the world on someone else's dime, SU-WEET! Hey Bridgette! Love ya, babe!" Geoff points over to the camera with a smile. "My girl and I met on Total Drama, but she's surfing around Australia right now. So BOOM! Entree my bud Brody!" Geoff happily gestures to Brody. Brody chuckles, "Ya guy bros forever! GnBF, for the win!" After their handshake, the camera cuts to outside the station.

"Right this way teams, over here," Don calls for the teams who are coming from the station. "Also competing, Dwayne and Dwayne Jr., father and son," Don says as the camera moves to the two. "Oh, I spend a lot of time in the old office there so this race is a perfect chance for Junior and I to squeeze in a little father-son bonding time." Dwayne chuckles, "Right?" He looks down at Junior. "Oh uh, yeah. Sure, dad." He says, looking around. "Hey, um. Are there any other kids my age in this thing?" He asks. "Oh uh..." The camera cuts off to people in uniform. "Sanders and MacArthur ambitious police cadets," Don says as a camera lands on them. "We're as tough as nails and we'll go to the extreme to win this thing." MacArthur proudly says. "Definitely, as long as we don't break any international laws." Sanders continues. "Eh, I'm okay with breakin' a few," MacArthur says, getting a stare from Sanders. The camera goes to two boys fighting. "Lorenze and Chet, new stepbrothers," Don says. "My dad married his mom last year, but we still hate each other! So they're making us do dis, jerks." Lorenzo vents to the camera. "Don't call my mom a jerk, jerk!" Chet pushes Lorenzo over. "Shut your word hole, jerk!" Lorenzo shouts as he pushes Chet over. They begin fighting, so the camera goes to a new team. "Also racing, Tom and Jen. Two highly attractive fashion blogger with impeccable taste... I told you not to let the teams write their own cards..." Don groans. "Hey hey to all our blog followers in there! Wish us luck." Jen happily chimes. "I bet Jen we could win the race, but I didn't think she'd actually take me up on it," Tom stated. "I put my mind to something and it HAPPENS," Jen replies. The Camera then goes to two guys. "Rock and Spud, the rockers," Don said as one of them is playing air guitar. "Spud wasn't sure about doing this since he's not super fit or good at much of anything except rocking it out!" He then does a little air guitar motion and noise. "So I said you just rock bud, I'll carry you!" They both then do some rocking out.

"Laurie and Miles, granola loving hippie-dippy 'friends'," Don says. "We want to win so we can donate to our favorite charities. 'Save the Hunchback Walrus', 'Goatmilk Eco-Warriors', 'People for the Ethical Treatment of Ants'! So many great causes!" Laurie says as Miles nods happily. "Ellody and Mary, Scientific Geniuses who say they will use their winnings to support the science community." Don reads from the card. "Astrophysics is underfunded, the reality show is offering monetary prizes, conundrum solved," Ellody says as Mary nods. "Gwen and Cody, two friends that have grown a sibling type bond," Don said, showing two people come out of a taxi nearby with smoothies. One seems to have gotten the straw stuck in his tooth gap. The camera cuts to their interview. "We met on Total Drama, we may have had a little bit of a rough start but we've grown pretty close since then," Gwen says with a smile. "Ya, mc and Gwen have grown to see each other as brother and sister. She even knows some of the stuff I don't tell my parents, it's like a true sibling type of thing." Cody chuckles as Gwen looks at him knowingly. "And, Gerry and Pete. Retired pro tennis players and 'friendly rivals'." Don says, obviously there was something up with that last part. "We're both very competitive. But for half a mil' each? Game on!" Gerry said, making them both chuckle. "Maybe we'll get new sponsorships, Anyone needs a pitchman for seniors laxatives?" Pete begins. "Call his lawyer." They both said, pointing at the other. this made them both laugh.

"Welcome Contestants! This is your starting line for your 26 part race around the world. Each part ends with a chill zone, get there fast because the last team to land on the carpet of competition may be cut from the competition. But the first team to reach out last chill zone will win 1 million dollars!" Don says, looking at everyone. Some cheering started at the mention of the prize. "Look over here," Don called out, gesturing over to a thing that kinda looked like him but squashed down. "This is our Ridonculous Tip Box, also known as the Don Box. Press this button to get the travel tips that will lead you through The Ridonculous Race." He points to the button on the top. "Ready teams?" He faces them all. "On your marks. Get Set... Race!" He screams. Suddenly everyone was running. "Watch the face! NOT THE HAIR!" Don squealed as he got trampled by everyone. Everyone began grabbing their tips. "Race on foot to the CN tower and find the Don Box to get your next tip." said the ticket. Everyone was rushing to the tower. The father and son were the first to the Don Box, they quickly pressed the button and got their tip. "It's an... Either-or..." Junior read, panting a bit from running. "What's an either-or?" he asked. "An either-or gives teams the choice of two challenges. They either climb 144 flights of stairs to reach the world's tallest observation deck, that's just under a billion stairs. Or scares, take the elevator then get the scare of a lifetime by doing the skywalk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they'll be wearing helmets. And as an extra precaution, we had a safety rail installed." Just as he finishes the rail brakes... "Teams must finish either task and find this local guide to receive their next tip." Don says, gesturing to a tour guide.

The first few to get there are The Cadets, The Fashion Bloggers, The Step Brothers, The Adversity Twins, The Father and Son, The Surfer Bros, and The Ice Dancers. The Father and Son get to the Elevator first, "First in, all right! Way to go Junior! Give me a high five-" Dwayne smiles, holding up his hand for Junior to high five. "Ah!" Dwayne falls forward and hits the buttons on the elevator, causing them all to turn on. "For a skinny tower, there sure are a lot of floors..." Dwayne says in a bit of disbelief. "If anyone asks what we picked? Stairs, always stairs." He says and he and Junior rush off to the stairs. Everyone but The Adversity Twins then went into the elevator, as Mickey cannot handle going up too fast. Since Jen thinks the elevator will still be faster The Fashion Bloggers are the only ones that don't use the stairs, as everyone else in the Elevator rushes off to the stairs. "While Father and Son and The Adversity Twins commit to climbing the unconscionable stairs, more teams choose scares. But they're in for long wait." Don says, as all the other teams show up and chose to wait for the elevator. "Hey hey, fashion blog followers!" The camera cuts to The Fashion Bloggers. "We would like to talk about today's fashion faux-pas, which is-" Jen says as the elevator door opens. "-Overalls, Ugh! Nasty." Tom says in disgust. "I know right? Like, get with today!" Jen comments. They get to the top and it seems that the Janitor in the background heard what they said, as they at soaking wet and a mop is on Toms's head and a bucket is on Jen's head. "I don't see any other teams," Jen says, looking around. She gasps, "We're in first place!" She squeals. "Let's hit the skywalk and STRUT aaall the way to the winner's circle," Tom says with a confident grin. "We are sooo the team to beat," Jen says as they walk to go outside. "We have to walk... Out here?!" Jen exclaims in fear as they walk out to the skywalk. "Oh yes, you do. The Ridonculous Race will return." Don says, the camera moving away and then cutting into darkness.

"Those who abandoned the elevator are in for a painful climb, and frankly that will be more fun to watch," Don says, showing people running. "On the upside, we're definitely not gonna be in last place. On the downside, that probably won't be true for long..." Mickey says, the camera making him and his brother stop for a moment. The camera cuts to The Sibling Friends, it seems the smoothie straw had been removed from Cody's gap. He and Gwen decided to go for scares since Cody didn't have as much strength as Gwen did, which was very apparent. While waiting they saw Owen, he was of course eating a can of beans. They weren't surprised and talked over. "Hey guys!" Cody smiles. The greeting seems to surprise Noah. "I didn't know you two were here!" Owen says in response, hugging them both in greeting. "Heh, yep. I and Cody wanted to try again, especially since the host isn't Chris this time." Gwen joked, getting a chuckle out of Noah. "Hey, maybe we could get an alliance going! We've all been together before after all." Cody suggests, obviously super happy at the idea. "Sure, why not. It seems like a better idea then teaming up with most of the other competitors." Noah shrugs, knowing Owen would already love the idea. "Woo!! Alliance Total Drama!!" Owen squeals in joy. Gwen smirks at Cody from the side, which makes Cody try and calm himself down. He was flapping behind his back already since he didn't know how the others would react. Gwen didn't mind him flapping, it was one of his ways to show that he was happy or excited after all. Noah was watching Cody in slight secret as Owen stopped hugging the two, noticing that Cody was moving his hands behind his back. Noah wondered what Cody could possibly be doing.

Just then the elevator arrives and everyone is trying to pile in. The Total Drama Alliance does not get in, they decide to sit down near the elevator. Own and Gwen look at each other and sit next to each other, they both know something is going on between Noah and Cody so they want than to sit together. Cody sits down, a bit anxious, as he fiddles with something in his pocket. Cody and Gwen know it's his fidget cube, but Noah looks at his pocket. "So Cody, why chose Gwen?" He asks. "Well, we've become siblings in a way. Plus I figured if Owen came onto the show he'd want to do it with you, he seems to really like you and all." Cody shrugs, if Owen didn't like Noah as much Cody would have asked Noah to team with him... Probably." Cody says, smiling a bit as he looks down at his feet. "Oh, well Noah iiis my little buddy, but I'm sure he would have loved to team with you Cody! You two get along well too." Owen smiles. "Ya, I've seen all the shows and how you two interact. When you two get the chance you get along very well." Gwen added on. Cody seemed to blush a tiny bit, he always knew he had a crush on someone else but only recently did he realize it was Noah. Cody was scared of getting rejected so he didn't say anything. "I guess that's true, but since we're all here we can have each other's backs," Noah said as he took out a book. Cody proceeded to ask what he was reading, the two next to them waited for the elevator in silence as they also listened in to Cody learning about Ayn Rand and The Fountainhead.

The camera goes to the people just now arriving at the skywalk. "There's the skywalk! Come on!" Devin smiles as him and Carrie quickly grabs helmets to go out on the skywalk. As people form a line to get helmets and Devin gets scared of falling, the camera goes back to the elevator below. Everyone piles into the elevator, to Taylor's dismay as Owen squeezes in. As the elevator goes up Owen ends up farting, everyone but The Total Drama Alliance starts to gag as the alliance is used to it by now. The camera goes to the people on the Skywalk, Kitty almost falls off but is saved by Emma. The camera then cuts to the elevator again, after showing the start of The Ice Dancers and The Cadet's rivalry. Everyone runs from the elevator to the Skywalk, grabbing helmets along the way. The Ice Dancers jump out to get their tip. "Catch a flight with a zip, ride the line to your tip... Huh? Kesky?" Jacques reads, getting confused. "Teams must take a flimsy zip line over Lake Ontario to this Island Airport-" Don says as the camera shows the line and Island. "-And snag their next tip along the way. The line was tested this morning by our intern Andrew, condolences again to his family..." Don says as it shows a hat in the water. The Ice Dancers quickly go down the zip line, grab the tip, and land safely on the island and then wave to their fans watching. The camera cuts to an interview about why they waved to their fans. "Our fans give us the love and energy we need to perform under extreme pressure. Without them, my partner Jacques would never be able to overcome her M A N Y faults." Josee says, smiling. "Um, why do you say many like that?" Jacques asked, obviously a bit confused. "You know why." She says, seeming bittersweet. The camera cuts back to them on the ground. "Right! Book two seats on the next flight to Morocco." Jacques reads the tip. "There are three flights heading to Morocco, Departing 30 minutes apart. Teams who make it onto the first flight have the distinct advantage of arriving first. Teams on the last flight should probably question why they even entered this race, because wow... Really?"

"Every reality show I've been on, I've lost. This time no excuses, no distractions. I've got my eye on the cheddar." Noah says in an interview. "And to taste the foods!" Owen adds. Noah gives him a look. "Winning, woo!" Owen says right after he sees the look. The camera switches to Carrie and Devin getting their tip and going down the zip line for the next tip. "We did iiit! You are the best!" Devin screams as they go down the zip line, causing her to blush and giggle. It then cuts to an interview. "I _had_ to do the race with Carrie. She's smart, fast, determined-" He starts listing this off. "Awww." Carrie smiles as he's listing things off. "-And my girlfriend Shelly was busy." He ends the list there, which is where they cut the interview off from. Pete and Gerry seem to be fighting playfully as they go down the zip line. "Gotcha!" Gerry grabs the tip, chuckling. The camera goes to The Total Drama Alliance. Owen sighs, "You need to put on a few pounds." He says to Noah. Just then, Noah starts to slide away. "Woah!" The Alliance members all grab hold of him and they somehow all start sliding towards the way they were supposed to be going. Seems they'll be getting to the zip line faster than the others. Once they get to the door they grab hold of the side. "Do NOT! Let! Gooo!" Noah screams, and with that, they start pulling everyone in the Alliance into the building. "Maybe doing this show wasn't such a good idea..." Noah says in the interview. "Maybe..." Owen responds. As people start exiting the stairwell Brody gets a cramp, everyone but Geoff passes him. "Just keep breathing bro, like pan it out," Geoff says as everyone is going down the zip line. "Come on bro, we gotta move!" Geoff says, tugging Brody along with him. Brody is screaming for potassium, "Does anybody have a banana?" Geoff asks out loud.

"The teams have arrived, and the flights have been booked. Flight number 1 will carry The Father and Son, The Best Friends, The Daters, The Police Cadets, The Ice Dancers, And The Sisters. Flight number 2 will carry The Reality TV Pros, The Sibling Friends, The Vegans, The Fashion Bloggers, Mom and Daughter, and The Rockers. Flight number 3 will carry The Genuises, The Goths, The Surfer Dudes, The Adversity Twins, The Step Brothers, And The Tennis 'Rivals'." Don says with air quotes. "Who will win the first jaunt in our race? Tune in next time to find out. The Ridonculous Race is TO BE CONTINUED!" He says as the credits start to roll. As everyone gets settled in for their flights, it seems things might be getting fun. "So, you gonna tell them about your ASD and ADHD?" Gwen asked Cody. "Well... I know Owen would be cool about it but what about Noah?" Cody asked, nervous. She sighs. "Cody, he'll understand. Pretty sure Owen told me he had OCD. He can't really judge you." She says, pushing him over. "I'll be with you, it's better to tell them than to have them find out at a bad time." She says. Owen looks up and waves happily. "Hey you two! We should all sit together!" He grins. "Totally! Cody actually has something he wants to tell you both." Gwen says, looking over at him. "I-I um... I have ASD and ADHD... J-Just wanted to let you both know." Cody nervously smiles. Noah makes a face that could be surprise, but also shock. "Well, that doesn't change anything Cody," Owen says, giving Cody a hug. Cody sighs, though it could be a gasp or a groan too. "Ya, doesn't change how we feel about you. Just let us know if anything bothers you, we're all friends after all." Noah says, mainly meaning Cody and Owen. He didn't see Gwen as much of a friend but she was good to Cody so she's okay in his book.


	2. Episode 2 - None Down, Eighteen to Go Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little note, I added things to Cody's allergy list because of a roleplay.  
> Cody's allergies: Bejo beads, wolf spiders, katydid crickets, the clear-winged Cithaerias pireta butterfly, goat saliva, all ants, Gluten, Eggs, Lactose Intolerant, tree nuts, peanuts, the red #4 dye.

"Last time on The Ridonculous Race... eighteen teams started a race around the world. After a lot of running, waiting, even more running, confronting fears, and pushing themselves further than I thought possible, everyone reached the airport and booked themselves on three different flights to Morocco." Don said as scenes from the previous episode were played. "Flight number one with six teams aboard has already departed." He continued as the camera showed the first group in the plane in the air, finally showing Owen giggling. "The next six teams are on flight number two, which is about to take off," Don says, showing the second plane full of the second group of contestants. "Meanwhile, The Genuises, The Goths, The Surfer Dudes, The Adversity Twins, The Step Brothers, And The Tennis lovers' flight will not be departing for another hour," Don says, showing everyone in the airport. "Will one of these teams suffer another reality show humiliation and get kicked off first? Time to find out. This is... The Ridonculous Race." He finishes, walking into the frame as he does so. Then they fade into the theme song and Don checks with the staff to make sure they have everything to make sure no one will get seriously hurt, or at least can get help if they do.

 **"** Twelve teams are already on their way to Morocco. Six are still at the airport, waiting anxiously." Don says as they get back to the show. "So, what's our plan to get to number one?" Pete asked. "I don't know, but it's been nice while this lasted. So if we lose, it's not a total loss." Gerry said, patting Pete's shoulder. "How touching" Don joked, moving on to something more dramatic. The camera switches to Chet calling his mother. "Your plan won't work, mom! We're not gonna become friends, because Lorenzo is a poohead, that's why! Can't you just divorce his dad?!" Chet argues with his mom on the phone. "Hey, is that my dad?" Lorenzo interrupts the calls from behind Chet. "No, my mom!" Chet growls at him. "Dad! You gotta divorce Chet's mom!" Lorenzo yells into the phone. "Quit it! Knock it off!" Chet yells. They start to fight for the phone. "Mom!" "Dad!" They shout in unison. The camera cuts to The Genuises talking about the math of planes when there's suddenly a new sound. The camera pans over to the sound and it seems that Pete and Gerry had started making out. They cut to an interview of the two. "Ya... We didn't think the cameras were on around us." Pete says, rubbing the back on his neck. "Welp, guess we learned that lesson." Gerry jokes.

"Morocco. Originally named Italy until it was discovered there already was an Italy. Home to scorchingly hot foods, as well as scorchingly hot deserts. Flight number one has just landed. Now the teams need to find the Don box, and collect their next travel tip." Don talks over a slideshow, once he mentions the Don box they switch over to the camera where Don is standing. Jacques is the first to get the tip, "'The Spice is Right'," Jacques gasps, "It's an All-In!" He says happily to everyone, getting a scowl from Josee. **"** An All In requires that both team members take part in the challenge. In this case, teams must make their way to Yusef's Spice Kiosk and choose five spices from the bountiful array. Some are-- ow! Some are sweet, but some are so blisteringly hot, they'll turn your tummy into a volcano of pain." Don explains. "It says 'Pick five spices from the kiosk. Ideally cumin, cinnamon...'" Devin starts. "'Paprika, saffron, and ginger...'" Dwayne Sr. continues. "'To receive your next travel tip.'" Kitty finishes. Suddenly right after that, The sisters get trampled by the others that were on the first flight. They all get into taxis while The sisters are recovering from getting trampled.

As the camera cuts to Dwayne and Junior Dwayne Sr. chuckles. "See that, huh? Right into a taxi and headed for Spice Town! We're doing great, pal. Yeah!" Dwayne cheers as Junior groans. They then cut to an interview of the two. "I'm Dwayne. This is Dwayne Jr." Dwyane introduces them both to the camera. "They already know that." Junior interrupts him. "Uh, we're, we're a father and son team." Dwayne continues. "They know that too, dad," Junior says, annoyed. "Well, we're gonna win this thing. Bet they didn't know that, huh? Haha, news flash!" Dwayne does some fake news beeping, "'Just in, Father and Son team win the million!'" He says, afterward, he does some fake cheering for them both. They then cut to The Lovers. "I know a lot about spices. I eat them in restaurants." Stephanie starts. "She does. You do. And I love that you know about them." Ryan says, lovingly. Stephanie gasps, "I love how you love that!" She says happily. They then start kissing and making out, which makes the camera cut to the Ice Dancers. "We don't personally think we can lose now." Josee starts. "Though our chances would be higher if SOMEONE" she glares at Jacques, "Didn't tell everyone this it was an all in first. We could have had more time if your mouth weren't already so talkative." Josee scolds. They cut to an interview with just Jacques. "She is usually very mean to me, so I've grown used to this. Though I am very happy that Don was so kind as to let the staff be aware of my preferred pronouns. I am just glad she isn't throwing slurs around right now." He sighs.

"Meanwhile, the teams on flight number two prepare for cold-hearted battle," Don says in a voiceover, the camera looking at the plane and then cutting to the inside of it. "So, you got EpiPens Cody?" Gwen asked, looking over at her best friend. "Yep and Don said they always have EpiPens and a medical crew at the ready and call just in case. We're pretty safe it seems." Cody says with a smile. Then right after that, his cotton candy comes, he had ordered it earlier. "Thank you." He says politely to the flight person who brought it over to him. "You sure do eat a lot of sweets." Gwen giggles. "Well I do love sweet things, they're really good!" He says, stuffing his face with the cotton candy. Noah was looking at Cody from the corner of his eyes. Once Gwen gave him and smirk he looked out the window, Owen holding his bear close. "So what about person-wise?" She asks. Cody thought for a moment, mulling over if he had a specific type. "I mean, I like pretty much whoever catches my eye. I don't think I'm too picky. Though I guess the people I usually like have some sort of hard outer shell of some kind." Cody says, shrugging. "Well I know one person you like and that person has a very thick shell around them." She jokes. "Hey!" Cody blushes, not wanting Noah to hear.

"Some of the teams from flight one have reached the spice kiosk," Don says when the camera cuts to the spice kiosk. "These aren't labeled. Hey, why aren't they labeled?" MacArthur says, panicking a little. "It's this one! This is cinnamon! This is cinnamon! This is cinnamon!" The camera cuts to an interview for the Best Friends. "Cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon!" Devin makes a funny face and they both laugh. "You totally would've missed it, homie," Carrie says. "Haha. We call each other homie. And as if I would've missed it." Devin commented. "I'm the one who lives for cinnamon lattes." Carrie states. "Yeah, which you constantly spill on me." Devin chuckles. "Fair enough. I'll never doubt your ability to detect cinnamon again." She giggles. Stephanie sniffs one of the spices. "Wait. That's cumin. Yes, uh... no. No. Wait! Yes! No! Yes!" She keeps going back and forth. "Scoop it!" she finally shouts. Jacques picks out the five spices for himself, knowing Josee would make him do everything. Luckily he knew his spices, he does pride himself in knowing about food after all. "After collecting five spices, the teams get their next travel tip from Yusef," Don says. "Ugh. We have to ride to a restaurant in the desert. On a camel." Jacques complains a tiny bit. Sanders thinks about what language they might speak here and chooses. "[Is there a restaurant around here?]" She asks. The kiosk person points them in the direction with a smile. The Cadets then set off for the restaurant on the camel after getting their spices.

"As the first teams head off into the desert, flight number two arrives in Morocco," Don says, showing everyone from the second plane getting taxis and tips. it then cuts to the third plane. "Meanwhile, flight number three is finally in the air. And teams discuss some strategies." Don explains. "If you try with a higher arc, you're boss," Geoff says to his bro. "I won't let you down, dude," Brody replies, throwing a pretzel into Pete's mouth. "Score!" Brody cheers as the pair of older men snore. They switch over to an interview with Father And Son. "It's not a man's job to know spices. In ancient times, women were the spice collectors and men were the hunters. Ah, those were the days. Yep, the man had the power and-" Dwayne rambles. "You know mom's gonna see this on TV, right?" Junior interrupts. "And uh, times have changed. Hahaha, yay." Dwayne cheers, obviously feeling awkward now. They then switch to them at the kiosk. "Oh, no, the other teams are coming. We're gonna lose our lead!" Junior points out. "Uh, let's just pick out any five," Dwayne suggests. They get 5 random spices as the other teams come to the kiosk.

"As more teams reach the spice kiosk, flight number three has finally arrived in Morocco. They'll need to hurry if they hope to catch any of the teams already in search of... the culinary." Don says. "Um... I, uh... Hmm..." Owen hums, looking over the spices. They quickly cut to an interview. "Picking spices wasn't easy. But I didn't panic." Owen says happily, the camera cuts back out. "Why do you all look the same?!" Owen screams in confusion. Cody looks over all the spices. "Hey Owen and Noah, I can help you out. I know each of these since I have allergies and all." Cody suggests to them both. "Well... Fine, but only because we have an alliance." Noah says, letting Cody pick out the spices and also letting him ramble about facts about them. "The last teams gather spices... But they've still got a long journey ahead of them." Don says, the camera going to the last few teams and then cuts to an interview with The Vegans. "Our camel Banafrid was beautiful. And deserts are really hot. If we win the million, we're launching a 'stop riding camels' campaign." Laurie says. "'Take hikes, not humps.'" Miles suggests. "Or we could call it something else." Laurie dodges.

"Things are starting to heat up as the cadets are the first to reach the desert restaurant," Don says, the camera cutting to the restaurant. "There's the Don box!" Sanders asks, frantically looking around. "I can't take this heat. Someone turn off the sun." MacArthur groans, sweating a lot. "It's a 'Botch or Watch'. 'Just Stew It.'" Sanders states. "That's a challenge only one of us does, right?" MacArthur asks. "Okay. 'Hand your spices to the chef so he can add them to a bowl of Moroccan stew which one of you must eat.'" Sanders reads off. "Oh. I hope we picked the right spices or this could get ugly fast." MacArthur says, panting a little bit. "'When you finish your stew, race on foot as fast as you can to the chill zone, because...'" Sanders continues. "The last team to meet me here will be cut from the race." Don interrupts. "I can't do it. I'm sweating like a perp being questioned inside a hot dog cart." MacArthur wheezes. "Okay, I love you, but ew." Sander says, looking over at her partner. "Come on, bun-bun. Don't let us down." Josee says, rubbing a rabbit's foot before the camera cuts to an interview. "I'm not superstitious at all. I just believe that this rabbit's foot is responsible for everything good in my life." Josee explains. "Can I rub it?" Jacques asks. "Of course you can't." She says harshly after laughing. The camera cuts to The Geniuses riding past The Vegans. "Take hikes, not humps." Miles shouts at them. "Okay, that slogan is really growing on me," Laurie says, smiling at Miles. The camera then cuts to an interview with the two. "Miles and I became friends when we met at an anti-meat meeting," Laurie explained. "When Laurie suggested we just call them 'ings' instead of meetings, I knew we were gonna get along," Miles says, taking her hand with a smile.

"While The Geniuses dig themselves out of last place, the race for first heats up as more teams dive into the restaurant challenge," Don says, going back to the restaurant. "Oh, Devin." Carrie sighs happily, looking at Devin from afar. "Uh... that, that was... I was just..." she starts to stutter, seeing that the camera is behind her. "Okay, I love him! I've loved him since we were four and he peed in my turtle pool. I mean, that's not why I love him, that's just when it started. But after all this time, how do I tell him? And what if he doesn't feel the same way? He already has a girlfriend, Shelley..." She rambled, now looking defeated. "...Who will see this on TV. What am I doing?!" She realizes, freaking out a tiny bit. The camera then cuts directly to Devin. "Yeah, done! Woohoo!" Devin cheers, making Carrie giggle and give him a hug. "Come on, we're in first!" Devin states, and they set off. Teams slowly start to show up soon after, getting their bowls of liquid. Sanders is taking sips of the liquid, causing MacArthur to slowly grow annoyed. "Stop wiping your face and chug!" MacArthur finally groans. "This is how civilized people eat." Sanders counters. "This ain't a tea party, it's a race for a million dollars. Chug!" MacArthur then forces Sanders to chug. "Mm..." Is all Sanders can get out in protest. "Freeze! I mean, done! Whoo!" MacArthur cheers before realizing what she did, "Oh. Allow me to get that for you, Princess." She then cleans the other's face. "Hurry up! We cannot be in last place!" Josee screams at Jacques as he chugs the liquid. "Uh-oh. Move it!" MacArthur picks up Sanders and starts booking it.

Soon the camera cuts to Carrie and Devin panting and running. "Whoa!" Carrie suddenly falls. "You okay, homie?" Devin asks, picking her up "Whoa. Haha, easy, Romeo." She giggles as he starts running with her in his arm. They then show an interview about this moment. "You know, it would be awkward for most teams to be so close to each other, but Carrie and I? We're such good friends, it's like, pfft, whatever." Devin grins. "Totally. Like, whatever. Ha... Friends." Carrie giggles, and starts to become mush. They then go through showing teams eating their stews, some of them becoming very red. "Ugh." Emma groans as she drinks the stew. "Come on, Emma! You can do it!" Kitty encourages her. They then cut to a quick interview. "We chose some of the wrong spices," Emma says. "Um, you chose all the spices." Kitty points out, getting a glare from Emma. "Which is good, 'cause I was just gonna guess. Haha, phew!" She backtracks. They then cut back to Devin and Carrie. "Can you see the chill zone, homie?" Devin asks, panting. "No. I think we might be... lost." Carrie says, but she still looks as Devin continues running and panting. "Look!" Carrie points to the chill zone. They both cheer as they get to the Chill Zone with Don waiting for them. "Welcome to the chill zone. You're the first team to arrive. Congrats." Don smiles. They both cheer happily, Devin putting Carrie down. "We did it! We did it! Man, I wish I could call Shelley." He says, pumping his fist into the air. "Yeah. Shelley." She laughs nervously.

The cameras then go to The Cadets running, looking for the chill zone. Jacques runs right past them, holding Josee. "Huh? Well, that's just creepy." MacArthur comments. The Ice Dancers then run right into a tree. "Haha, later, skaters," MacArthur calls back to them. "Do you see what I did there?" She asks Sanders. "Yeah." Sanders groans. "'Cause they're actually uh, skaters," MacArthur explains. "Yeah, I-I got it," Sanders confirms. Soon after they are racing against each other to get to the Chill Zone. "Put. Me. Down!" Sanders commands. "No time," MacArthur replies. "Hey, who called the cops?" Don laughs as the Cadets get to the Chill Zone. "What fun. You're team number two, well done." Don says to the Cadets. "All right, yeah!" MacArthur cheers as Sanders groans. "So, as a Canadian ice dancing team, you probably hear this a lot. Third place!" Don says as The Ice Dancers come into third place. They then cut to a quick show of the interview. Josee is throwing things around and screaming while Jacques is in a ball, obviously scared for his life. "Fourth. Fifth. Sixth. Seventh. Eighth. Ninth. Tenth. Eleventh." Don starts counting as teams get to the Chill Zone. "Eleventh? You have to start doing more!" Emma growls at Kitty. "I would love to do more, please!" Kitty begs. "I'll tell you when you can do more, okay? I will tell you. Ugh." Emma yells at Kitty, making her sigh.

The camera shows teams finishing the stew and moving on, some arguing in the mix. "I didn't sign up for this show and I don't really wanna be here. But now that I am, I sure don't wanna be the first team kicked out. Come on, dad. Like you always tell me, never say quit!" Junior commands. "Actually pal, it's... 'You should never say never." Dwayne corrects Junior, panting. "I don't really listen to you. Just get up and eat!" Junior yells. the camera cuts to Don for a moment. "Twelfth," Don announces as the Twins pass by him. "Thirteenth. Fourteenth. Fifteenth. That leaves the Vegans, The Tennis Lovers, and Father and Son. One of these teams will be heading home." Don says. The camera then cuts back to Father And Son and The Tennis Lovers. "I hope we got the right spices." Dwayne prays. "Dad, we're in last place. You gotta hurry and down this stew." Junior points out. He's looking over at The Tennis Lovers who seem to be having a hard time getting the stew down. Then an interview pops up. "So what's a little spice? Yeah! Let's do this thang!" Dwayne chuckles. "'Thang'. I sound like a kid when I talk like that." He smiles. "You really don't." Junior sighs and then the camera goes back to them in the desert. "Rah!" Dwayne roars. "Wow..." Junior stares at his dad.

They finish right as The Genuises do, though Dwayne becomes temporarily blind. Junior grabs his wrist and then starts running to the Chill Zone. As they leave The Tennis Lovers are still barely done. "Congrats, Vegans. You're sixteenth, and here comes seventeenth." Don says, The Vegans passing him and looking over at Father And Son. "Are there any trees? Warn me if you see a tree." Dwayne says, hoping for Junior to keep leading him even though he let go. "We're almost there, dad!" Junior calls outs, letting his dad runoff. "How long are you gonna let him run for?" Don asks Junior. "I just needed a little break." Junior shrugs. This was a good enough answer for Don. they then cut to a Father And Son interview. "Seventeeth place? Ha, we have got to do better, pal. Hey, I know! We're gonna stay up all night and talk strategy." Dwayne says happily. "Great." Junior groans sarcastically. The camera then cuts back to the Chill Zone. "Guess the older you are the less likely you are to win," Don says, watching The Tennis Lovers reach the Chill Zone. "Darn..." Pete sighs, looking down in shame. "Eh, we gave it the old college try though didn't we?" Gerry looks at Pete, smiling. "I guess we did," Pete says, giving him a smile. "Alright, get going." Don chuckles, walking off. The two start to walk away, looking for the plane. They soon find it, hop on, and head on to their house.


End file.
